


The World Was More Complicated Than He Thought

by pallasandthepeople



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-05-25 10:20:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14975108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallasandthepeople/pseuds/pallasandthepeople
Summary: Rajan finds it easier to accept his wife is a sensate in love with someone else than that he might be falling for Wolfgang. And he, and she, for him.----A build up from Wolfgang and Rajan to Wolfgang, Kala and Rajan told from Rajan's perspective. First two parts take place in the finale and the last after.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> I needed more build up for Rajan and Wolfgang and we didn't get a season, so here's my take on it.

Rajan had been 10 when, while watching some silly cartoon he couldn’t even remember the name of, he realized a fundamental truth.

 “Dad,” he’d asked, “the bad guys think they’re the good guys, right?”

 “Yes Raj, of course they do.”

 Manendra, busy as always with other stuff, didn’t give his son’s life-shattering discovery much attention.

  “But what if we are the bad guys?”

  Rajan had long used the story as a funny anecdote. It was something he told when the wine had been taken out of the cooler after a long business meeting and everyone finally sat back in their chairs. A personal note; “The moment Rajan became a man”. But at the time it had had a huge impact on him. The world was more complicated than he had thought it was, and there was no going back anymore.

 He was reminded of that childhood memory when, on a sunny late afternoon in Paris, he stared at the eight people smiling at him peacefully. His thoughts kept tumbling through his head while Kala gently stirred him away from the group and slowly, very slowly, missing pieces started falling into place. The world was truly more complicated that he had thought it was.

 He found the last missing piece when he asked about the missing member of the group.

 “So, when this Wolfgang fellow is tortured…, you experience his pain?”

 There was… something in Kala’s expression. A fear in her eyes, a desperation. A longing. It was then Rajan knew.

 Rajan had given his relationship with Kala a lot of thought over the years. It had been difficult from the beginning and, while he knew she was trying, there had always been that emotional disconnection. The possibility of there being someone else, at least emotionally, had crossed his mind more than once.

 He now had a confirmation. Yes, there was someone else, and for a moment he was consumed by jealousy. But there was more. A few hours ago finding out his wife was cheating on him might have shattered his world. His carefully structured world in Mumbai with rules he understood and followed couldn’t have taken the blow. And yet here they were, in Paris, and no old rules applied anymore. His world had been expanded, and there were few things he was sure of now.

 What he did know though was that he loved Kala, and that Kala at the very least cared for him. He also knew Kala was in danger now, and suddenly that became the main priority. What other choice did he have?”

 “I came rushing to Paris for the same reason I married you. I love you, Kala.” It was almost a desperate cry, but he managed to keep his face straight. “And that feeling hasn’t gone away, or been changed, by learning that the woman I love is so much more than the woman I married.” 

 It was in that moment, seeing her face lighting up and the love radiating from it, that he knew he had made the right choice.

 “My god Rajan, I married a good man.”

 She went quiet. “But Rajan, there’s something else, Wolfgang and I…”

 He put his hand on her lips and smiled with difficulty. It would take some time, but it’d be okay.

 “I know. We’ll talk, later.”

 There were more important things now.

 

 Rajan didn’t get the chance to talk to Kala about anything not related to the plan anymore after that. He too got swept away in the wild ride that these people’s life seemed to be. But something _had_ changed. Even though they were surrounded at all times by her many loved ones, she suddenly seemed to always be at his side. Not just by his side, but actively trying to include him in the conversations between sensates, and always touching him gently.

 It was a kind of prelude to the conversation they’d need to have eventually and Rajan didn’t want to read too much into it, but it felt… good. He knew for certain that she wasn’t being this affectionate out of guilt; he would have sensed that. They’d been together too long now for that. And so he just let it be and prepared to save the lover of his wife.

 

 Everything in the club happened so fast Rajan hardly realized he was talking to Wolfgang, that the guy in front of him was Wolfgang, till Wolfgang grabbed his wrist and said: “Come with me.” In that moment he would’ve done anything the other man said. And when he did finally get to see Wolfgang properly in the van, with the adrenaline rapidly leaving his body and the exhaustion kicking in, the only thing Rajan could think was: “Oh. I get it.” It was probably the eyes, he figured.

 Wolfgang turned to the rest and announced that Kala and the others were safe, and then he turned to Rajan in front of him and his startling blue eyes focused on him. Rajan felt slightly nauseous.

 “Are we okay?” Wolfgang asked, in hindi.

 Rajan swallowed and managed to recompose himself.

 “We’ll talk later,” Rajan said with a nod.

 Wolfgang nodded back and smiled a little.

 

 They arrived at Jean-Pierre’s house early in the morning and Rajan immediately got busy playing host. Pierre was an old friend from university and he had made well for himself, the house wasn’t exactly small, but it wasn’t built for this amount of people either.

 “Alright, Lito and company can go in the master bedroom as it has the biggest bed,” Rajan quickly decided. “Sun and Mun in that one, Amanita and Nomi can take that one… Capheus, you take the couch. There is one bedroom more upstairs, that one can be for Riley and Will.”

 He looked at Wolfgang, who was watching him intently.

 “There are some extra mattresses in the shed for us.”

 Everyone was tired and soon only Capheus and Wolfgang were left. They walked to the shed in silence and Rajan handed Capheus some sheets and showed Wolfgang the two mattresses.

 “Where to?” Wolfgang asked, one mattress under each arm.

 Capheus quickly made himself scarce.

 “We can put one of them in the hall and one in the study… Or kitchen even, but we can also put them both in the study… If you want we can even sleep with Capheus…,” Rajan rambled.

 Wolfgang looked at him intently.

 “Do you want to talk or do you want to sleep?”

 Rajan smiled slightly. He liked Wolfgang’s directness. The nauseousness returned.

 “I think it might be best to talk before Kala arrives.”

 Wolfgang smiled back and headed to the study, somehow single-handedly taking the heavy things with him. Rajan came after him with the sheets.

 “That’s gonna be hell to wash after we’re gone,” Wolfgang remarked as Rajan made up the beds. “So many sheets.”

 “We’ll get a cleaning lady, don’t worry.”

 “Of course.”

 When everything that could possibly be done had been done they both sat down on their respective mattresses and faced each other. The room was dimly lit by the lights of the electric devices around them. It was quiet for awhile, and then Rajan decided to just start talking.

 “Kala was the only girl at work that wasn’t after me,” he started. “I think… I think that’s what made her interesting at first.”

 Wolfgang leaned back against the desk, and listened. Listened to Rajan describing their courtship, their engagement, what the marriage had been like for him so far. It was freeing in a way that Rajan could never have imagined. He didn’t really have anyone to talk about these things at home. Telling his friends his wife didn’t love him wasn’t exactly easy, and he felt like they wouldn’t understand the complexity of their relationship anyway. Especially not now. But Wolfgang did, better than anyone possibly could. Wolfgang understood. And then, slowly, Wolfgang started making some comments. Giving his point of view on matters (or maybe Kala’s, wasn’t that how this thing worked?), telling his own little anecdotes. Opening up. Soon they weren’t talking about Kala anymore, but about different things. Trivial and yet very important things, bits and pieces of their lives.

 

  Rajan didn’t remember when he’d fallen asleep. He woke up the next morning facing Wolfgang, who was an arms reach away, and he was suddenly filled with a warm, happy feeling. It would be alright. This man and he, they understood each other. It would all work out.

 They had a late breakfast all together in the sun, and Wolfgang soon walked up to him to offer him a glass of wine.

 “Rajan,” Wolfgang said in a much more official tone than he had the night before. The others glanced in their direction with discretion. “Most men wouldn’t have done what you did for me.” Rajan knew Wolfgang well enough by now to know that was his way of saying thank you.

 “I did what I could,” he answered awkwardly, but Wolfgang demanded his attention with his intense eyes.

 “I’ll never forget it.”

 Rajan felt the nausea wash over him again, and he quietly cursed the nerves from the whole trip.


	2. Part II

Rajan was surprised at his own lack of jealousy when Kala at last joined them. He thought he might have felt some if Kala had handled it differently in any way, but as soon as she stepped out of the car she walked up to him with her bright smile and kissed him, as if the past months of awkwardness around everything touch related hadn’t happened at all. As if she wasn’t about to meet her “significant other” (he mentally padded himself on the back for applying that term to the situation) for the first time in real life. As if she wanted to reassure him that no matter what happened now, she cared for him. Maybe more than caring. **  
**

 And so he watched as Kala jumped into Wolfgang’s arms and kiss him and it was okay. He felt a tiny bit of bitterness, but that was also because he got it. He’d probably jump at the chance to kiss someone like Wolfgang too. If he were gay.

 Capheus and Will silently appeared at his side.

 “Are you okay?” Will asked.

 He nodded, and he suddenly felt proud. No one had expected this of him, and here he was proving everyone wrong.

 “Yes,” he said, and on an impulse he added: “In fact, I’m so okay with it that I think I’ll join you tonight, Capheus. Give them some privacy.”

 Capheus grinned and padded Rajan’s arm. “Kind of in a committed relationship here man, but you’re welcome to sleep on the other couch.”

 

 The late breakfast turned into a celebratory lunch, and when it started raining in the afternoon they all moved inside to the large kitchen table. Amanita and Daniela disappeared for a while and came back with more food and a lot of wine. Rajan sat contently at one side of Kala, Wolfgang on the other, and while none of them was talking about it there was some silent understanding that whatever was happening, it was… good. They all knew Kala cared about them both, the guys cared for Kala, and they’d see where all this was going when all was over.

 “Guys, I think there’s some very good champagne in the pantry, shall I get it?”

 Wolfgang beamed up at him. “Definitely!”

 When Rajan walked into the room again, two bottles of champagne in his hands, he was suddenly overcome by a feeling of love for every single one of those laughing people in the room. And when he announced the champagne and every smile turned to face him he suddenly realized that he, Rajan, the same Rajan from a few days ago, was also part of this group.

 He fooled around with Lito and Daniela, and when he finally sat down again next to Kala and Wolfgang they both smiled and touched him affectionately. Kala with her hand on his knee, Wolfgang with an arm around his shoulders, and Rajan felt happy.

 “Wait,” said Wolfgang before they all started drinking, “I want to say something.”

 Everyone stopped and looked up at him.

 “I have lived much of my life with one friend, with my one brother. And I never knew what it was like to… have people in my life that would fight for someone like me.” He smiled, almost shy, and shot a glance at Kala and Rajan. “Thank you.”

 Rajan had only met Wolfgang the day before, and he could never have predicted the intense emotional reaction to that little (huge, for Wolfgang) speech. He briefly gave in to the urge to touch Wolfgang reassuringly and sat down again. Emotions swirled around inside of him. On the one hand the anger at Wolfgang being alone for so long (how could people not see how amazing the guy was?), anger at Wolfgang finding it necessary to thank people for fighting for him (how could anyone not?). And also pride, pride for having fought for this amazing guy himself too, and thankfulness for him being okay now, safe. Something was happening, but he was still staring into the void, overwhelmed by emotions, when he realized the room had suddenly gone quiet. He exchanged a glance with the few people in the room still moving.

 “I think they went with that Bodhi person?” Amanita said, unsure. “Hello? Guys?”

 “I guess this proves it, if you still had any doubts,” Hernando smiled at Rajan.

 

 From the moment the sensates were back from the Lacuna things were set into motion, and before he knew it he was sitting in a convertible driving through the alps. Rajan was still in the selfless mode he was secretly very proud of, and he almost insisted on Kala and Wolfgang taking the back seat together.

 He had left them to sleep together the night before too. “Are you sure you are okay with this?” Kala had asked, worried, and Wolfgang had smiled at him (he really did have to ask someone about his stomach ache, could it be the European food?). They were joined by Felix somewhere along the way and Rajan grinned proudly when Kala introduced him as her husband. There was something very satisfying about surprising people.

 “It’s complicated,” Wolfgang said with his amazing lopsided grin.

 

 Rajan figured his children would one day ask him about all the adventures Kala and he (and Wolfgang?) had had in it Italy, but it all went so quick and was so surreal that he could hardly remember. Kala and Wolfgang would be the ones telling the stories anyways. Probably. They still had to talk about that.

 But Rajan realized he did want that (whatever  _that_  was) to work out when Kala almost died. He knew he would never forgive himself if he let her go. Their entire world may have been turned upside down, but their future together, the future he had been envisioning since the first time he met her, was still there. He just knew now that Wolfgang was set to become a part of their future together. There was no other option. Kala loved him and no matter how much she seemed to have started appreciating Rajan recently Wolfgang would always be in her head, and that was something he could not possibly beat.

 

 He found himself not wanting to either. Wolfgang and he had grown inseparable during Kala’s recovery, bonding over their shared love for her. The other sensates were very impacted by her near-death too, of course, but when the fight was over and it was sure she’d be okay they all slowly started leaving. Lito and Capheus left as soon as they could to take up their responsibilities again. Riley, Will and Diego were next, on a trip through Europe (“I mean I’ve already been to most of these countries, now I’d like to be a proper tourist,” Will explained). Rajan hid some money in their luggage for on the way. Nomi and Amanita flew back to their lives in the United States with Bug, and Sun seemed to temporarily have forgotten she was a sensate, focussing all her love and attention on Mun. The latter quickly took her home to fix her pending charges. Rajan tried to offer them money too, but Sun assured him that they had enough of that. Even Felix had gone back, clearly feeling out of place in their yet undefined relationship.

 And so only Wolfgang and Rajan remained at Kala’s bed and it was good like that. He again felt that Wolfgang was the only one that truly understood what he was going through, because he himself was going through the exact same thing. He would never have suspected that sharing Kala was easy, but it turned out to be a relief. He was not just sharing his wife’s affections, he was sharing his worries over her too; the idea of making this work, the three of them, seemed more attractive by the day.

 

 Kala herself was doing perfectly fine though. She had to keep to her bed, but from there she ordered them around to get her everything she wanted, and she was cheerful as ever. Maybe even more. In the afternoon she would send them away to give her some peace, and Wolfgang and he would wander through Naples. One of the first afternoons they had ended up at the other side of the city and Rajan, looking for a place to rest, suggested they’d sit down in a cafe for a coffee.

 “I’m not really a coffee person,” Wolfgang confessed.

 “Me neither,” Rajan laughed, “but Italy is famous for its coffee. It’s kind of your duty as a tourist to try it.”

 Wolfgang smirked and they sat down on the wobbly chairs of a terrace. The waitress came and Wolfgang burst out laughing when Rajan ordered two “Italian coffees”. Rajan shook his head, embarrassed, and they sat in comfortable silence until the coffees arrived.

 Rajan’s coffee tasted horrible. It was way stronger than he was used to, and he didn’t even like his watered down version from back home that much. He glanced at Wolfgang, who had a disgusted expression on his face too. Rajan suddenly became worried. This had been a stupid idea, he had made Wolfgang drink something neither of them liked just for the joke of it, and Wolfgang clearly wasn’t enjoying it (why did he want to please Wolfgang so much?). On top of that the coffee had made his stomach hurt again.

 “It tastes very bad,” he said apologetically.

 Wolfgang swallowed his coffee with difficulty while he studied Rajan’s face with curiosity.

 “It’s probably the place,” Wolfgang said eventually. “They just have very bad coffee here.”

 

 The next day at 5pm, while walking through a less touristic area, Wolfgang suddenly stopped and nodded with his head towards a small cafe.

 “Let’s have a coffee there,” he said.

 “But… you don’t like coffee. _We_ don’t like coffee.”

 Wolfgang shrugged. “It’s our duty as tourists to try Italian coffee. Yesterday was just because of the place.”

 They tried it and it tasted just as bad.

 “It’s the place.” Wolfgang nodded decidedly. “Bad luck.”

 In the seven days that Kala had left recovering they tried a different coffee place every day, even on the days that Rajan stayed home working. By the end of the week they could more or less distinguish between different kinds of coffee, and while still not exactly liking it Rajan now managed to finish a cup without disgusted facial expressions.

 

 They still hadn’t had the talk, and both Wolfgang and Rajan had behaved quite chaste around Kala, but the day before Kala was released Rajan touched on the topic during their daily coffee.

 “Wolfgang,” he said carefully. Wolfgang raised his eyebrow at the tone. “When Kala is released… You know I have a lot of stuff pending back in India. I have to go back.”

 He waited for Wolfgang to say something, but the latter remained silent.

 “I was thinking maybe Kala and you can stay in Europe. You can go to our apartment in Paris, enjoy yourselves there while I figure things out back home. It’s dangerous for me in India right now, but my duty lays with my company and my family, I have to go back and finish what I started. You guys don’t, better for you to stay safe.”

 All of a sudden Wolfgang grabbed Rajan’s hand and pierced him with his blue eyes.

 “Rajan,” he said, “I’m not planning on letting anything happen to you.”

 “Well,” Rajan started awkwardly, “that isn’t exactly for you to decide you know, it’s not like you can stop…”

 “Hey, no,” he was interrupted, “don’t say that, I will. We will.”

 “Not all things can be solved by fighting, Wolfi- Wolfgang. I know you guys are all superhumans, but this asks for different ways of dealing with things.”

“Kala wants to go back to India, and I’m coming with you guys.” Wolfgang suddenly let go of his hand. “If… If you let me.”

 Rajan suddenly felt choked up by emotion, and he wasn’t entirely sure what it was that he was feeling. “I… We have to talk to Kala, this…  Wolfgang, you can’t just… It’s dangerous… I…” Wolfgang was looking at him with that look again, and suddenly all his resolve vanished in the air. “I’ll book the tickets tonight.”

 Wolfgang smiled his wolfish grin. “Kala says she’s happy too.”

 

 They took a plane that very weekend. Rajan freaked out a bit about the seating arrangements (he didn’t want to have to choose between Kala or Wolfgang to sit next to, and sitting in the middle could imply to them he wanted to keep Wolfgang from Kala), so in the end he decided on the most expensive seats: private first class seats for each of them.

 Kala walked in on him just when he was trying to decipher the numbers of his credit card and smiled fondly at his stressed appearance.

 “Rajan…”

 “Are you feeling alright Kala?”

 “I am. I just wanted to talk to you.”

 Rajan signalled for her to wait. “Let me just finish this or they’ll cancel my payment.”

 He quickly finished up an turned his chair towards his wife.

 “I know we still need to have the real talk, with Wolfie, and truly discuss what it is we want,” Kala began, carefully choosing her words. “I just wanted to tell you some things before we do. I… I cannot believe how well you have taken all this, Rajan. I never expected that… You…” She took a big breath. “No, that’s not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say, my dear husband, is that I didn’t love you when we married. I respected you, I admired you and I liked you a lot, but I didn’t love you. And you knew this.” Kala looked at Rajan as if daring him to deny that. “But these past weeks… I guess it’s been coming for a while now, and I was too blinded by how much I loved Wolfie to really see it, but I do love you. I love you Rajan, I love the man I thought you were and I love the man you turned out to be. And…,” she shushed Rajan when he tried to get up, “and I know this complicates things a lot. I love Wolfgang. I love him so much…. But I love you too. And I want to be with you. And we’re going to India now, and Wolfgang is coming with us, and I don’t know how to do it with Manendra and mom and oh Ganesha, dad, and…” Rajan figured now would be a good time to interfere, and he gently took her hand in his. She took a deep breath. “But I love you. It’s not out of guilt, not out of gratefulness, not because anyone forces me to… I just really want you to be part of my life.”

  She smiled helplessly and waited for Rajan to say something back. He couldn’t. Instead, he took her in his arms, kissed her, and didn’t let go of her anymore till the next morning when Wolfgang, who had mysteriously disappeared that night, woke them up.

 “I guess we’ll talk about it soon,” Wolfgang smiled.

 

 They didn’t. World-shattering discoveries in the weeks he had been away had made Rajan forget he very much had a life back home, and a life that he’d left in a very difficult position. His father reminded him quite forcefully, and between trying to get his company back on track, getting the corruption investigation and the problems that came with it off his back, and all this while also making sure no one got suspicious about his absence, he hardly saw Kala and Wolfgang for at least two weeks.

  They'd agreed it was better for everyone if Kala took some rest and stayed home a few weeks while things cooled down at the office. Kala and Wolfgang would usually wait up for Rajan with a cup of tea (and occasionally, with a devilish grin from Wolfgang, coffee) to quickly talk over their days, but no one had the energy for more.

 What did happen was the three of them sleeping together in bed every night. It was an unspoken arrangement that Rajan was intensely happy about. It was special, every single morning again, to wake up with Wolfgang’s hand buried in Rajan’s hair and Kala snuggled up to him. He didn’t think he could give that up if he wanted to.

 

 Rajan was so caught up in his work bubble that he hadn’t even seen his own parents properly, so he was only mildly surprised to receive a call from his father-in-law three weeks after coming back from Italy.

 “Hey Sanyam, look, I’m sorry we haven’t come by, I was in Delhi this weekend and…”

 “Rajan, no no no, don’t worry about that. Rajan, there is a… a man on your terrace.”

 “What?”

 “I was coming by to bring Kala some soup but there is a man sitting on the terrace and I can’t see Kala anywhere… What if something has happened to her? Rajan…”

 Rajan closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

 “Blonde? European?”

 “Yes…”

 “Don’t worry about him, he’s… living with us.”

 It was quiet on the other end of the line. Rajan imagined Sanyam peeking at Wolfgang from the living room. Wolfgang was probably fully aware of his presence, but he apparently hadn’t given any sign of recognizing him. Rajan felt kind of sad that this would be the first time Wolfgang met Sanyam, with neither Kala or him around.

 “Why?” Sanyam asked eventually.

 Now it was Rajan’s turn to keep quiet for a while. The easiest thing would be to just say he was Kala's new bodyguard, but Rajan somehow couldn't get himself to say that. 

 “He’s a good friend of mine. He… His name is Wolfgang. He means a lot to Kala and me. And and… And he’s also with security... Bodyguard things.”

 “I see.”

 “He truly is a great guy, we will introduce you to him at our next family dinner.”

 “Uhu.”

 “Speaks hindi too… Are you doing well Sanyam?”

 “Yes, yes. Are you?”

 “I’m very busy with work.”

 “So I heard. Well, I’ll leave the soup in the kitchen and be on my way.”

 “Alright Sanyam, have a good day!”

 Talking to his father in law remained a very awkward thing.

 

 That night Rajan came home at 11 pm. He was exhausted and in a bad mood (it looked like he’d have to go to Delhi again), and he was torn between the desire to have the comfort of Kala and Wolfgang’s presence on the one hand and not talking to anyone on the other. Maybe he could just push them to the bed in silence and cuddle up to them, he considered. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he had been with his sleeping arrangements lately.

 Kala and Wolfgang were sitting close to each other on the couch, quietly talking, when he walked in. Kala turned to him with a nervous face.

 “Rajan! How as your day?”

 Rajan figured he’d have to let his silence plan go.

 “Good… good. Did you see my message about your father?”

 He put down his bag and sat down next to Wolfgang, who was studying his face. Rajan smiled at him, tired, and rested his head on the couch.

 “I did, I did… I was at my parents’ place when he was here. Rajan…” She looked very nervous, torn between excitement and worry. Like she found whatever she wanted to say funny but wasn’t sure he’d like it too. “They asked if you were gay, if Wolfgang was your lover staying with us…” She laughed nervously. “Are you, Rajan?”

 Rajan looked at Wolfgang, who stared back with a neutral expression.

 “That came out wrong. I mean, we’ve been putting this off for so long, I think we should talk. I don’t know what I want. What do you want?”

 Rajan sighted. His thoughts were floating through his mind in an indecipherable mess. He rested his head against Wolfgang’s shoulder.  

 “I don’t think this is the best moment to talk,” Wolfgang told Kala. “Let’s just go to bed.”

 

 Three months after their return to India Rajan sat in the courtroom and watched Ajay Kapoor being sentenced to ten years of prison. An indescribable weight fell off his shoulders when the judge finally made up his mind. Kala kissed him, Wolfgang gave him a hug and whispered that the rest had also been there.

 They set out to the airport together and caught the first flight to Paris. From that moment on everything was one happy blur. They joked around and finally talked properly (not “the talk”, but good talks nevertheless) in the plane, and once in Paris they stumbled laughing through the streets, shamelessly playing the tourists they were.

 The wedding was one happy, cheerful reunion. After months of only hearing about the other cluster members second hand (“Riley says they rented a car in Romania with your money”, “Capheus says hi”, “Lito says that Hernando is wondering whether you saw that article on the pharmaceutical industry”), with the occasional whatsapp message when talking like that got too annoying, it was very nice to see everyone in person again. Rajan got a bit emotional during the ceremony and Wolfgang took it upon him to cheer him up again, dragging him to the dance floor. They danced, the three of them surrounded by all of them, with love and abandon. At one point, while shouting and jumping up and down with Wolfgang, Rajan saw Kala have a serious looking conversation with Will from the corner of his eye. Half an hour later he discovered Wolfgang and Kala whispering and plotting in a corner. He figured he’d ask about it later.

 

 Later turned into much later. They danced, sang, and generally enjoyed each other’s company till early in the morning hours. The party, for the sensates, only ended when Amanita and Nomi left to their hotel. All the other sensates suddenly also stopped and set out to leave with them. Kala grabbed Rajan’s hand and didn’t let go till they were at their apartment again, each with a glass of champagne in their hand.

 “Where’s Wolfgang?” Rajan asked. He felt incredibly happy and content, but something was missing without Wolfgang there.

 “Ssht,” Kala smiled, and she kissed him with passion.

 And then she led him to the bedroom, and Wolfgang was there and Rajan wanted to drink him in with that smile and those eyes of him, and then Kala nodded and everything fell into place. Of course. They’d been heading to this for months now. Rajan wanted to kick himself for not coming up with it sooner. He closed his eyes to quickly gather some courage, and then he let himself be led to the bed.

 Rajan’s world had been shattered a few times over the course of his life, but this was certainly the best one of them. They had been struggling months with choices and love, and there they were loving each other, all of them, sharing love in its purest form. He hadn’t known such things were possible. But he was glad they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, The Talk will fiiiiinally be there next chapter.


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Agota, who pushed me to publish this last part. Wish I could be part of your cluster.

Wolfgang woke them up the next morning with a steaming pot of coffee and a yellow and green mess that vaguely resembled scrambled eggs. Wolfgang was a morning person, Rajan had discovered. He didn’t really get how that worked, seeing how the guy also easily went to sleep at 5 in the morning, but then again Rajan himself hadn’t had a healthy sleep rhythm either the last months. Maybe Wolfgang napped during the day, Rajan mused. It was entirely possible Wolfgang was a nap person and he didn’t know about it because he had been out so much these months, and Rajan found himself wanting to confirm that. 

 The smell of coffee entered his nostrils at about the same time Rajan realized he was naked, and all of a sudden memories of the night started flooding his brain. His eyes went wide open. 

 

 “So,” Wolfgang said while he calmly put the breakfast tray on the table, “we should talk.” 

 Kala made a vague hand gesture to wave him away and slapped Rajan in the face in the process. 

 “Too soon…” she slurred. 

 Kala, Rajan knew, was  _ not _ a morning person. 

 Wolfgang calmly took her hand from Rajan’s face and put it around a cup of coffee on the nightstand. 

 “Oh,” she muttered when her hand touched the warm ceramic, and slowly she sat up to sip a bit at her cup. 

  “How… How many people did I have sex with last night?” Rajan stuttered, looking up at the cup of coffee Wolfgang was offering him.

  Wolfgang stared at him without blinking and Kala spat out her coffee over the messy bed sheets. 

 “Okay yes let’s talk,” she said, quickly trying to smooth the covers into something presentable. Wolfgang sat down on the bed and smiled. It was quiet for a while.

 “I think it all comes down to what we want”, Kala eventually said. Rajan nodded.

 “So what do you want?” Wolfgang asked. Kala took a deep breath.

 “You... And you, Rajan. I want both of you. I love both of you. I want… I want the three of us together. Last night was really good but...” Kala took another deep breath to keep herself from rambling, “...but it was not new, was it? It was just a conclusion to something that was there already, right?”  

  She looked around, looking for confirmation.

 “It’s not going to be easy,” Rajan muttered, more to give himself time to phrase his thoughts than anything else. He already knew what he wanted. 

 Wolfgang shook his head. “I think it’s going to be easier than it looks. I think we know pretty well what we want, and if we all agree on what we want and what we are it will work. We know what we’re getting into.” 

 “So what do you want us to be?” 

 “Together. I want us to wake up together and sleep together and live together.” 

  It was not often Wolfgang was this lyrical, and his partners looked up at him impressed. But Wolfgang was getting impatient. It was all very simple to him, and he didn’t want to waste too much time on the specifics.

 “I want us to be together too…”,  Rajan started, carefully looking for the right words. He was happy Wolfgang spoke hindi so well, it helped that he could at least speak in his own language. “I want us to be together, but I want it to really be… the three of us. I know you and Kala have a bond that I cannot possibly understand, and that I will never come close to having with either of you.” Kala opened her mouth to say something but he silenced her with a look. “I also know that Kala and I are married, and that makes the bond between us infinitely more legitimate to this country and to the world. And yes,” he said when he saw Wolfgang wanting to protest too, “it shouldn’t matter, but it kind of does, doesn’t it? Imagine we ever want to have children…” He was silent for a while. “My point is, I wish there would be something… No, I’m actually fine with what we have. But I want it to really be the three of us, together. Not Kala and Wolfgang living together with Kala and Rajan, with maybe an escapade from Rajan and Wolfgang from time to time, but really be the three of us… Together... In a relationship?” 

 Wolfgang smiled at him. “That’s what we meant with wanting to be together,” he said. There wasn’t any malice in his voice.

 “It is good to acknowledge that we inherently have some problems in our dynamics though,” Kala mused. “But I don’t think that has to stop us from being together… I mean, why would it?”

They talked for a long time, moving gradually from their initial positions to laying very close together on their bed.

“Does that mean you’ll stay in India with us?”, Rajan asked Wolfgang tentatively, when almost everything else had been discussed. 

 Wolfgang shrugged. “It’s not like I could take you guys to Germany with me. I like it there.” 

 “There’s just one thing then…,” Rajan muttered. “If we’re going to be there... you can’t be a criminal. I don’t want to hide you away so you’ll be associated with me, and I can’t afford to get in touch with justice now. I condemned a man to prison for corruption and I’m under close scrutiny. I simply can’t afford it. And… To be honest, I think you’re such a brilliant man… You could do so much better.” 

 Wolfgang slowly nodded.

 “I can’t promise it’ll be forever,” he said. “It’s the only thing I’ve done all my life and I know I’m good at it. But for the time being and while we’re in India living comfortably… Sure.”

 “Rajan and I will be the breadwinners,” Kala beamed excitedly. 

 “I will find something to do though, can’t sit at home the whole day,” Wolfgang grunted.

 “Home…”, Rajan smiled. He couldn’t wait to get back. 

 

 The day after their return they hosted a big dinner with both Rajan’s and Kala’s family. It had been agreed they wouldn’t hide Wolfgang but not tell the family explicitly at first either, giving them time to get used to his presence first.

 “This is Wolfgang,” Kala beamed. “He’s living with us now.”

 “He’s a great guy,” Rajan smiled.

 The whole table turned to look suspiciously at the great guy that was standing next to them.

 “Hi,” Wolfgang said.

 “Is he your friend, Rajan?” Sanyam asked.

 “He’s both our friend.” 

 “So… How long is he staying?,” Sahana asked her daughter-in-law. 

 “No no, you don't understand,” Kala interrupted. “He’s not visiting. The three of us are living together now.” 

 “Surely not forever?” 

 “Maybe.” 

 “The point is,” Rajan said, “we’d like you to see Wolfgang as one of the family now.” 

 There was a long silence.

 

 The next morning Kala bumped into her dad on her way into her apartment building.

 “Kala,” Sanyam said. He looked worried. “I need to talk to you. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and… Can we talk somewhere?” 

 Kala had been on her way back from the market. It was Sunday morning and she knew Rajan and Wolfgang were both upstairs, but she wasn’t sure if they were presentable or not. Suddenly Wolfgang appeared next to her.

 “Come up,” he said. “Rajan is still in bed, I’ll go to the terrace to give you some privacy.” 

 Kala nodded and smiled at her dad. 

 “I was just on my way to make some omelettes, maybe you can help me?” 

 They went upstairs in a disconcerting silence and once upstairs Kala quickly led him into the kitchen. She couldn’t stand his grave mood.

 She sat down facing the window, and through the glass she caught a glimpse of Wolfgang launching in a chair. True to his promise she knew he wasn’t listening in. 

 “Kala,” her father started, “Rajan is a good man. A very good man.” 

 This was not what she expected the conversation to be about. She nodded. “He is, dad.” 

 “Kala… He doesn’t deserve to be treated in such a way. He’s a good fellow.” 

 “What?” 

 “Why are you treating him so poorly?” He sighed when he saw his daughter’s puzzled look. “Kala…, I see the way you look at the german man.” 

  It took a while for Kala to compute what he had said.

  “What?!” 

  “He doesn’t deserve it Kala, you know he doesn’t, no matter what he says to you. Rajan too deserves love and affection. I knew you didn’t feel that for him, but I hoped it would grow between you two. You did decide to stay with him! I thought you were at least trying, but this…” 

  “Dad!”, Kala burst out, “it isn’t like that! I’m telling you it isn’t!” 

  Right at that moment Rajan emerged on the terrace. He looked sleepy and ruffled as he stumbled towards Wolfgang. Sanyam looked up and followed his daughter’s gaze, just in time to see Rajan press a sloppy kiss on Wolfgang’s mouth. 

  Sanyam turned to his daughter with an alarmed expression.

  “I’m not cheating on Rajan, dad…” She smiled tentatively. “It’s the three of us. We are all together.”

  Now it was Sanyam’s turn to sit back and slowly process the information.

  “Well”, he muttered. “Well…” 

  Kala quickly appeared next to her lovers and told Wolfgang to get Rajan dressed and come. 

  “Are you happy?”, Sanyam asked after a long silence. 

  Kala smiled brightly, and just as the two men entered the room she said: “I am dad, I am very happy.” 

 

  Rajan’s family took a little bit longer to share their thoughts. A few family dinners later, in which Wolfgang had thoroughly managed to charm all the women and tentatively started to get acquainted with Sanyam, Rajan suddenly got a call from his father. It was the day after a family dinner in which Kala’s sister had half jokingly asked Kala whether Wolfgang was single, only to get a sharp “no” in return from Rajan. He knew his father had noticed, and so he was only half surprised to see his father’s name appear on the screen. 

  “Good evening father, how are you?” he asked, slowly distancing himself from where Kala and he had been trying to figure out where exactly Wolfgang was ticklish. 

  “I’m… I wanted to talk to you, son.” 

  “Well, here I am”, he said. Wolfgang threw a pillow at his head. 

  “I wanted to say your mother and I support you.” 

  Rajan waited for him to continue, but nothing happened. 

  “That’s… Thanks, father.” 

  “I don’t want to talk about it, but just let me say this: I’m not happy you introduced him to the family. Priya has quite grown to like him, and I won’t have it. I trust you’ll keep this more private in the future and I hope so will Kala. Do you pay him?”

  “I… what?” 

  “Do you pay him?”

  “Pay him? Who? Wolfgang?” 

  “Who else?” 

  “Wolfgang doesn’t work for us, father…” 

  “Ah. Well, just know that that might be a good way to secure his discretion. That’s really all I wanted to say. You know I’m very liberal, so I won’t judge, but I don’t want to talk about it either.” 

  “Talk about what exactly?” 

  “I said I don’t want to talk about it.” 

  “Wolfgang is not a prostitute, father.” 

  Kala and Wolfgang burst out laughing and Rajan quickly hurried away. 

  “I never said he was! I’m just saying that whatever he is…” 

  “Wolfgang, Kala and I are in a committed relationship together. The three of us. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon.” 

  “What?” 

  “What I said.” 

  Manendra hung up. 

  The next family dinner Manendra and Priya showed up like nothing happened. Rajan kept an eye on them the whole evening and eventually figured out his father, true to his word, just didn’t want to talk about it. Rajan and his partners weren’t trying to hide anything and Manendra had accepted it as well as he could. He was also quite sure Manendra hadn’t told his wife, but Priya seemed to know anyway. 

  They were fine, and everything was good. Rajan mused a bit that night on how different everything would’ve been if he hadn’t been at the age he was, with the job he had that allowed him to live independently. But then Kala hugged him and Wolfgang called for them to come to bed, and everything was forgotten.

 

  It hadn’t taken too long for them to fall into a rhythm. It was much the same as before Paris only better, because now everyone was on the same page as to what they meant to each other. Rajan went back to work with considerably less stress and more general happiness. He noticed how bit by bit his agency in what he did and why he did it was improving, no longer completely dependent on his father’s views. 

  Kala also went back to work. Strangely enough now that their relationship was better and healthier they saw less of each other on the workfloor than before. He realized that his need to be near her before Wolfgang came from insecurity, and now he didn’t even mind anymore if she took a taxi instead of driving with him. 

  Wolfgang spend two weeks exploring the city on his own and getting into all sorts of strange adventures he would tell them about during dinner. One night they came home to find him in a very good mood. 

  “Guess what,” he said. “I got a job.” 

  “Where?”, Kala asked surprised.

  Someone Rajan couldn’t see made a comment and Kala gasped. 

  “He took a job at a call center!”, she told Rajan. 

  “A call center? Why?” 

  “It pays the bills, and they need lots of languages there”, Wolfgang said, clearly very satisfied with himself. 

  “But you don’t have to pay the bills…” 

  “True”,  Wolfgang said. “I think I’m going to like it though.” 

  “But you don’t even like talking to people…”, Rajan said.

   “And this is different… You have us, the sensates and all their partners to provide for you”, Kala said. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” 

  “I want to.” 

  “Okay.”

   They shrugged. 

 

  Wolfgang lasted almost a year in the call center. The kind of calls he made got repetitive very fast, but he found something meditative about it. It was funny to hear other people get angry about petty things, to hear death threats even from people so far removed from what it really meant to be in danger. And once even that began to become boring he stayed a bit longer for the colleagues he had grown to like. He had more friends and love surrounding him than ever before, and still, it was nice to casually relate to the people at work and go out with them. He missed them when he left.  A secret part of him also enjoyed the teasing of Kala and Rajan, imitating how the elderly Germans swooned when they heard his voice (not that he would ever admit that to the others). 

  Will tried to convince him to find work as a cop. He would be good at it with his experience, but Wolfgang didn’t like the idea of putting guys like Felix and him in prison. He made a few trips to the Netherlands and Poland to meet with his old friend, sometimes accompanied by either Kala or Rajan whenever they had time. He was trying to convince Felix to join him in India, but the guy was too rooted in Germany to leave.

 

  One day Kala appeared in Rajan’s office.

  “What? I made an appointment with your secretary”, she laughed when she saw his surprised face. He checked and did indeed see an hour slot booked in his calendar.

  “Are we gonna have secret office sex with Wolfgang joining invisibly?”, Rajan joked. 

  “No, we’re gonna have a very serious business meeting.” 

  Kala sat down in front of him and put some folders on the table between them. She looked very satisfied with herself. 

  “I’ve been thinking about the expiring medicine thing”, she said. “I know you’ve put some measurements into place, but I think we need a more systematic approach. This isn’t just a problem of our company, is it? It’s a problem the whole industry has.”

  Rajan nodded, intrigued. 

  “I’ve been looking into it. We produce more medicine than there is demand for because we supply medicine to the pharmacies, not to the consumer. No pharmacy wants to be out of stock, and so they spend a lot of money on medicines that later get resold to third world countries. I think there are better ways at going about this? I did a lot of research,” she pointed to the thick folder between them, “but it is not enough. I’m not an economist, nor do I know anything about business strategies. But from my limited experience (although I’d say between the eight of us it’s quite extensive actually) I do think there is a solution for the surplus problem that could even be beneficial for the company, both business and reputation wise. I have this theory involving prices and making pharmacies order in batches…” 

  She opened the folder to show him some of her work, but he stopped her. 

  “I’ll look into it with care later. What is it you want?” 

  Kala took a deep breath. 

  “I want you to make me head of a team looking into innovation and the social responsibility of this company. I can take care of the scientific aspects, I’d need other people for the economic, legal and business aspects. A small team, but a team that would be at the table when important decisions get made.” 

  Rajan smiled proudly at his partner. 

  “Well Mrs Kala, I’ll study these documents and come back to you with an answer as soon as possible.” 

 

  They got better at saying what they wanted as their relationship progressed. Whenever a big decision had to be made in the beginning they’d carefully check and double check whether everyone agreed, afraid of assumptions and misunderstandings as they were. But as the first year progressed they relaxed and started to trust everyone would voice their opinion. And so when the day came, two years after Paris, Rajan didn’t start the conversation with “Do you guys think you’d maybe…”, but simply stated: “I want a child.” 

  Kala and Wolfgang exchanged a look. They had talked about it a few times tentatively, but never this plain and clear. 

  “I want to adopt a child”, Wolfgang said.

  “I want to adopt a baby”, Kala added after a short silence, “so it’ll grow up to understand our relationship and be okay with it…” 

  “I’ll start looking into the paperwork”, Rajan smiled. 

 

  They decided they wanted a child from, as Wolfgang put it, “the shittiest orphanage” they could find. That orphanage turned out to be in a small city a good four hours driving from Mumbai, double that time in traffic. The adoption went through a third party company not exactly known for its effectiveness, and they had more than a year the time to go to the compulsory classes on adopting children, (for Rajan and Kala) to read tons of books on parenting and (for Wolfgang) to babyproof the house ten times over.

  “That child,” he said in a tone that made very clear he wouldn’t accept any objections, “will not see a knife till Sanyam teaches it to make curry.” 

  ‘That child’ had turned out to be a one-year-old boy called Arun with big, brown eyes and long eyelashes. His origins were unknown, he had been abandoned at the orphanage a few months old. His parents-to-be obsessed endlessly over the few pictures of him they had and bought clothes in all the sizes they speculated he could have. 

  All the emotion also brought more visits from the other sensates. They were the first relationship in the cluster to have a child, and Kala would regulary inform Rajan on the well meant advices Lito would give (“Why doesn’t the guy just focus on his movies?”), the boundless excitment of Capheaus and the endless book recommendations they got from Amanita through Nomi. 

  “Here,” Kala would say, “this is the copy of Dear Iljeawele we’re going to read this week.” 

  Riley and Will kept themselves a bit more on the side. They were currently living in Iceland to be near Riley’s dad, and very slowly they had begun to consider having a child themselves too. The topic of babies was still a sensitive one though.

 

  And then, sooner than they expected, Kala, Wolfgang and Rajan found themselves sitting in a small room, in a rural town near Mumbai, with a crying baby between them that had been pushed into Kala’s arms. If the baby had been sleeping or calm Rajan knew he would have sat there petrified, but Arun’s cries got everyone in a frenzy to calm him down.

  They spent a few hours in that small room, slowly getting to know the little baby and themselves in their new role of parents, joined by excited cluster members from time to time. At one point Wolfgang disappeared to look for some food for Arun. Kala and Rajan were too entranced by the sleepy noises Arun was making in his buggy to catch on, but when Wolfgang stayed away for more than half an hour they started to get worried.

  Kala was just about to go looking for him when the door suddenly opened. Wolfgang appeared, with a little girl in his arms and the director of the orphanage behind him.

  “This is Aayushi,” Wolfgang said. “We’re taking her too.” 

  The girl looked up. She was small, very small, but she looked older than her size let on. 

  The director protested. “It doesn’t work like that,” he said, “you have to go through the whole process again before you can adopt another child, she’s already reserved for another family...” 

  Rajan wasn’t a sensate and he couldn’t communicate with his partners at that moment, but there was something in Wolfgang’s expression that made it clear it wasn’t something that was up for discussion. Something was wrong, and they had to get that girl out of there. Kala caught his eyes. He nodded. 

 

  Rajan pulled some strings, Wolfgang made some visits, and three weeks later they had the whole family together. 

  The minute they had Aayushi home Rajan realized his whole worldview had been shattered yet again. He didn’t know he had the ability to love, to care, to worry about so many people all at once. He had never felt so protective of human beings before, and it scared him a lot. Only the same scared look on the faces of his partners reassured him: he was not the only one who’s world had been shattered by this sudden responsibility.

 

  Sometimes Rajan felt guilty about his own happiness. He had not one, but two loving partners and not one but two amazing children. They were financially stable and he felt rewarded by his job every day. Sure, he had had his few weeks of adventure and danger years back, but those barely hold up to all the challenges Wolfgang, Aayushi and so many others had encountered in their life. He didn’t deserve this perfect happiness.

  It was a guilt he tried to appease by doing everything he could to help his community and the causes he cared about. It was never enough. It took him long to accept, but in the end he had to admit that yes, the only real hardship Rajan Rasal had encountered in his life was the hardship of being too happy. 


End file.
